So, earlier today I'm in the bathroom at work, critically analyzing my appearance because apparently my "second opinion" mirror is just as much of a lying bastard as my "skinny" mirror is when it suddenly occurred to me that today is November 3rd, which means that New Moon is almost here.

This is like the mirrors I have at home... but the exact opposite. I look great when I leave in the morning and a fucking freakshow by the time I look at my outfit when I get to work. I hate them. And yes, I really DO think that song is about me.

And I squealed. I fucking gave a total fan-girl squeak standing in the middle of the bathroom. At work. Alone.

After I kick you in the nuts, that is...
All the anger I felt toward my sack-of-shit-lying mirrors vanished in a poof! of excitement. No longer did I care that my skirt totally wasn't hiding my beer gut or the fact that my sweater has a hole in it. I just stood there, blissfully un-vain for once in my life, with a big ass goofy grin on my face because oh-mah-gahd, we are now in the same MONTH as the PREMIERE OF NEW MOON!!!!!
I may have flailed my arms a little and jumped up and down, too.

I am SO Twitarded.
Sixteen days. Remember the anticipation you felt the first time you saw Twilight and it's the whole pivotal "how old are you?" scene and he says "seventeen" and Bella asks "how long have been seventeen?" and Edward's totally breathing heavily into the back of her neck when he says "awhile." and then he runs up the mountain and lame-sparkles like a fucking idiot?

Alucard used to be my favorite vampire. Needless to say, he's been replaced.

That's how I feel right now. I would sparkle if I could but my skin tends to be more dry and flaky rather than sparkly. Although I DID make myself sparkle on Halloween and I still have the glitter all over my bathroom to prove it! Why can't glitter be cleaned??? I've tried and it still looks like a stripper exploded in there...

Anyway. I feel like it's going to be awhile before New Moon gets here but I can't, can't, can't wait. And then it's going to come and I'm going to turn into Jenny Shitshow-Jerkface because I'm going to be SO excited and probably alcohol will be involved and if anyone, ANY.ONE. says one damn thing about those fucking panties on that day I will whip them out proudly and put them on my head. Because New Moon is going to be THAT kind of party.

[No fucking way am I putting THOSE up here again.]

I know, I know, I'm obsessing. Well, duh. First of all, I'm trying to avoid all the spoilers so there isn't enough websurfing to satisfy my ADD these days. Not only that but, despite my best efforts, I was still totally blindsided by my new favorite addiction, the Twigasm podcast, this weekend. I was sitting there, listening and snorting and guffawing and then they started talking about the kissing scene and I knew they were going to play the audio and they did. But because I'm a total fucking spaz and can't behave like a normal human being, instead of muting it for a few seconds or skipping over it, I stuck my fingers in my ears and shrieked, "NOOOOOO!!! I DON'T WANNA HEAR EDWARD MOANING!!! GAHH!!!!" and ML walked by and gave me the crazy stare and kept on walking. He loves me.

Oh, and the whole sticking-fingers-in-ears-and-yelling-like-a-crazy-person worked. I didn't hear it. Just in case you were curious.

Sixteen days, Twitards. Sixteen days.

Caaaaaaaaaaan't fucking wait!!!!!

Now, where the hell did ML hide the rest of that Halloween candy?! I need more sugar...